I could write my story a thousand different ways.
I could hide behind a cloak of ‘non-disclosure’, but in reality, I find my clients like to know a little about how I came to be sat in the seat, professing to be some kind of ’empowerment expert’. So I like to honour this curiosity by telling a little of the background as to why, and indeed how, I came to be doing what I do. In a World where we’re supposed to maintain a false veneer and cover over the cracks, I would like to provide an antidote of honesty and vulnerability.
So, here goes. In 2017, I had been married 7 years. I had two children and a dog and a house and a part time job and a husband. The children were perfect. The house was chocolate box pretty. The dog was my dream pet. I was on maternity leave from my job and considering my options. My husband seemed unhappy, permanently discontent. I said one day that we seemed to have reached the pinnacle of the early thirties achievements, and I felt we should be shouting from the rooftops about how happy we were. ‘Well’, he said ‘I just can’t feel like that’. Then I realised that my quest to instill happy in another human had been futile. Not only that, but it had been detrimental to my own happiness, health and wellbeing.
So many years spent trying to please, to apease, to make easier and simpler and make it work, and all the time, totally disregarding what might make me happy. In essence, I had fallen into an emotionally abusive marriage, and it had extinguished my own light to such a degree that it was almost gone. It was, as I have since learnt, a spiritual near death experience.
It seemed clear then, albeit terrifying, that what I needed to do, like the flower that isn’t flourishing, was to change my environment. Separation, single parenting, struggling, anxiety, terror. I had it all ahead of me, but I was resolute. Now was my time to break free. In July 2017, I did just that and began my solo journey.
I have had many ups and many downs. I have worked hard to bring myself up to the place I find myself in today. I have invested in myself massively. I’ve given myself time, I’ve spent money on personal development of so many kinds it is genuinely hard to keep track. I’ve exhibited some behaviours I’m not proud of, mainly around sex and relationships. I’ve learnt to love me. I’ve cried a lot of tears. I’ve re-connected with the joy of mothering. I’ve found beautiful and supportive friends, and lost others along the way.
Every step of the way, I see opportunities for growth. I see the potential we all have in us as humans to be so much more than the small game that most of us are playing. I’ve read everything I can get my hands on about how we are wired to avoid success, and how to be brave and overcome this. I’ve learnt techniques I’ve used myself to overcome this. I have a calling to help others step into their power in the same way I did into mine. Gain confidence. Accept yourself fully. Learn to live.
This is my passion. This is my calling. This is what I am supposed to do.